A tough church to love

I was in a bad mood this morning and that's a problem. Going to church to worship the King of the Universe should be the highlight of the week, don't you think? It's a problem I pray about. I don't think this bad mood was/is entirely my fault and (watch out) I'm going to rant. I really apologize, but I need to say this.

I got to church about 10 minutes early and read through a few hymns; my usual routine. I do this because a) I think hymns are incredible, b) I know I'm not going to get to read them any other way while at this service, and c) I try to bestow some kind of meaning on this poor hymn book's existence. Without me, it would sit around collecting dust. It, and the other 200 hymnals that are "cluttering up" the sanctuary.

I'm asked to say Good Morning twice (read my dad's (the Presbyteer (sorry to give away your secret identity)) post about the "new" liturgy (the one on the right)) which I dislike. And then we launch into the first praise chorus. Still feeling basically okay.

Then we're interrupted by the "grip and grin" (as labeled in the bulletin). I'm unsure what to think of this. On the one hand, I think it's kind of an insulting thing to label a time of fellowship, but on the other, that's as deep as this form of "fellowship" EVER GOES. I shake hands with a few people, but no one's talking. They're just doing the little bee dance from flower to flower. This is the best the church can do? "By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another?" C'mon people. This is not happening in 30 seconds. Take this embarassing footnote out of the service and start working to develop exterior fellowship communities.

Then back to more praise choruses. Not my favorite, but I'll participate. After all, my heart is praising God whether it's Amazing Grace or...whatever we sang this morning. I'll just try to enjoy the music and meditate on the lyrics wh...Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt. Apparently you'd rather sing by yourselves. WHAT IS THE POINT OF THE WORSHIP TEAM IF THEY DON'T LEAD WORSHIP. Their mics are so loud I can't hear myself sing. They pick unmelodic music that's impossible to learn unless you listen to the same recordings they do. They throw in instrumental solos. They eeennddlessssly repeat tiny sections of lyrics. It seems like they do everything possible to make it less a congregational thing and more a performance. There's something deeply wrong in that.

The offering went well. I will say that.

The sermon. A fill-in pastor and he did a fine job. A very good "military-type" sermon delivered in truth and authority. So what's my problem? Well, he's a southern-baptist kind of preacher. I don't mind this, but I just get the feeling that the message is obscured by being in this format. I am NOT saying that effective ministry can't happen in this style (note the correct usage of the double negative). What I am saying is that such a radical change is not good for the congregation. It became more about the "gimmick" than about the message. I could just feel it. Again, the preacher did a fine job, I just don't think it was a good match at all.

I left the service feeling upset. Upset about what had happened, and upset that I felt this way at all. I should not be feeling this way. I've got to learn how to deal with it or come up with another solution soon.

In the meantime, I am called to love this church. I am called to be a part of it, to join in the worship, to live in joy and fellowship with those around me. As much as I don't understand it, God has put me right here, in this church, with these people. In THIS way, not in any other way, he brings the most glory to himself. My new prayer? Remember that point of view and adjust my thinking to a Christ centered mindset.

Rant ranted. Lord have mercy on me, a sinner.

P.S. I hope I didn't offend anyone, but if you did take offense really examine why. Is it because I'm right and that makes you uncomfortable, or because I've been unfair. If I have been unfair, let me know (I need to pray about that too).